Coming Out Better

Hello, it’s been a minute since I’ve posted here! We’ve been busy growing the most supportive and kindest community for women coming out later in life in the whole world. Truly, these women inspire me on the daily!

We started this group of about 50 women in January 2016, and now it’s grown to over 1500 women worldwide 3 years later. Crazy awesome! We’ve had IRL meetups and conferences, so many brave posts and in-depth discussions.

And now we are ready to take this to the next level. Because we know that there aren’t many resources for women coming out later in life. And we keep hearing the same thing over and over again: “We need more spaces like this–safe spaces to be vulnerable, to find community, and to get resources.”

So, we are rolling out our newest membership project: Coming Out Better, a place for women coming out later in life. We are still in the beta stages, but here’s what we know that this membership will most definitely include:

  • the most supportive community you can imagine (and it will still be a private place for those who are still in the coming out process and need secrecy)
  • detailed resources to help you get to where you want to be on your coming out journey
  • focused coaching & group interaction to help you with accountability
  • if you join us in the first launch, you’ll be a FOUNDING MEMBER, and you’ll get the lowest price for membership that we’ll ever offer locked in for as long as you stay with us
  • a chance to co-create this group and make it exactly what you need to get to where you want to go on your journey
  • lots and lots of love from us, Andrea and Rachel

If you are interested in getting on our email list to get more information about when we’ll be launching the membership, here is the signup link: https://mailchi.mp/43e6cf597b50/comingoutbetter
You will be first in line when the membership opens early next month if you’re on the list!

Listen, I understand where you are. I’ve been there myself. Eight years ago, I was wondering if I was the only person ever to have come out after being married to a man (actually, two different marriages to two men). I thought I would never figure out how to do this coming out thing. I thought I would never find my soulmate, let alone marry her! (Dear Reader, I did indeed marry her!). And now, I’m living my authentically gay life as an out lesbian, and I’ve never been happier.

So, join us to find out how you can jumpstart your coming out process! We can’t wait to create this group with you!

Every Little Thing’s Gonna Be All Right–Positive Aspects of Coming Out

Today, I want to focus on the good parts of coming out. The story that you hear in the popular media can be negative–coming out is painful, difficult, and full of loss. We have to tell gay teens that “it gets better” since coming out early in life can be so awful. People coming out later in life face their own losses, particularly if they are women in heterosexual marriages with children, like I was.

While I don’t want to discount these potentially negative aspects, this media story completely discounts what’s good about coming out. I know in my own situation, I was scared of what my kids might think of me when I came out to them. I had it built up in my mind as a potential negative. But the reality was so much more positive than I could have expected (you’ll have to read my forthcoming book to hear the story of my coming out to my kids!). What I thought would be a negative ended up as a definite positive in my coming out journey.

Here are some other positive aspects of coming out:

  1. No longer having to hide your true self–you are finally out! No more hiding in the closet, no more worrying about “your secret” getting out, no more wearing a mask.
  2. Finding out who your real friends are–the people who love you get the chance to love the real you. The people who don’t get it or can’t be supportive will fall by the wayside. You will find out who your true friends are now, trust me.
  3. Reinventing yourself–you get the chance to figure out what kind of gay girl you are and how you fit into the lesbian scene. This can be like having a second adolescence–one part scary, one part thrilling, but mostly an exciting new beginning!
  4. Freeing up headspace–staying in the closet take up so much headspace–the worries, the lies, the facade you have to keep up. When you’re out of the closet, you free up that space and can spend it on other things (learn a new language! play a new instrument! find a girlfriend!)
  5. A chance to have your best second half–the only way to get to your best second half is to take that first step outside the closet. I promise that however scary it may be, good things are just outside that door. And the only way to cross that bridge to your future is to take the first step.

Take it from me, there are many positive aspects about coming out. But the best one of all is that you are finally you–real and true. What could be better than that?

Leave me a comment and let me know about the positive aspects of your coming out journey. I’d love to hear about them!