Coming Out Better Membership Group has LAUNCHED! Join us!

We are SO EXCITED to announce that our Coming Out Better Membership group is live and open for business!

Already, we have women signing up as members, and we couldn’t be more excited to help them on their coming out journey.

If you are a woman questioning your sexuality, this group is for you. It is private & supportive.

If you are a woman who is just starting on the coming out path, this group is for you. We can help you know where to start, and will walk with you.

If you are stuck in the “messy middle,” and are overwhelmed, feeling alone, unsure of which way to go for resources, this group is for you. We will give you accountability to reach your goals, and targeted resources to help you.

If you are already out and looking for help navigating your journey, this group is for you. We will help you move further down the road on your path.

Take a look at our FAQs on the membership site to find out more about what this group will provide for you: https://comingoutbetter.podia.com/coming-out-better

We’re happy to answer your questions!

The biggest thing to know about our Founding Member Launch is that it will only last until June 28. And the deepest discount is happening right now with the coupon code “LAUNCH”:

  • 34% off the monthly subscription price
  • 51% off the annual subscription price (17% regular discount + 34% LAUNCH discount)
  • These prices will never be this low again. After we close our doors on June 28, we won’t be opening them back up until the fall, and the price will go up then.

Now is the time! Invest in yourself. Invest in your journey. Invest in Coming Out Better!

Coming Out Better

Hello, it’s been a minute since I’ve posted here! We’ve been busy growing the most supportive and kindest community for women coming out later in life in the whole world. Truly, these women inspire me on the daily!

We started this group of about 50 women in January 2016, and now it’s grown to over 1500 women worldwide 3 years later. Crazy awesome! We’ve had IRL meetups and conferences, so many brave posts and in-depth discussions.

And now we are ready to take this to the next level. Because we know that there aren’t many resources for women coming out later in life. And we keep hearing the same thing over and over again: “We need more spaces like this–safe spaces to be vulnerable, to find community, and to get resources.”

So, we are rolling out our newest membership project: Coming Out Better, a place for women coming out later in life. We are still in the beta stages, but here’s what we know that this membership will most definitely include:

  • the most supportive community you can imagine (and it will still be a private place for those who are still in the coming out process and need secrecy)
  • detailed resources to help you get to where you want to be on your coming out journey
  • focused coaching & group interaction to help you with accountability
  • if you join us in the first launch, you’ll be a FOUNDING MEMBER, and you’ll get the lowest price for membership that we’ll ever offer locked in for as long as you stay with us
  • a chance to co-create this group and make it exactly what you need to get to where you want to go on your journey
  • lots and lots of love from us, Andrea and Rachel

If you are interested in getting on our email list to get more information about when we’ll be launching the membership, here is the signup link: https://mailchi.mp/43e6cf597b50/comingoutbetter
You will be first in line when the membership opens early next month if you’re on the list!

Listen, I understand where you are. I’ve been there myself. Eight years ago, I was wondering if I was the only person ever to have come out after being married to a man (actually, two different marriages to two men). I thought I would never figure out how to do this coming out thing. I thought I would never find my soulmate, let alone marry her! (Dear Reader, I did indeed marry her!). And now, I’m living my authentically gay life as an out lesbian, and I’ve never been happier.

So, join us to find out how you can jumpstart your coming out process! We can’t wait to create this group with you!

Your Story, Your Timetable

A woman in our Facebook support group asked a question recently about coming out to a work colleague, and wanted to gather opinions about it from the group. The heart of her question was: “do I owe it to this person in this particular situation to let them know that I’m gay?”

The consensus of our group was that, no, she did not owe it to anyone to come out to them on any specific timetable. And I have to say I agree with them 100%.

I think it is especially difficult for women coming out later in life to manage the coming out process–it can be overwhelming to come out individually to so many people when they have known you for so long as a straight person living a straight life. I see the appeal in a “one and done” Facebook post or mass email to everyone: “Hey, world, I’m gay!”

But I think that rarely happens in real life because, being women who have lived a lot of life already, we have many different relationships we have to consider–the talk we might have with our teenage daughter will be very different from the conversation we might have with a work colleague. We have more complicated lives at 45 than we did at 25!

But, regardless of how you choose to do it, the most important thing to remember is: this is YOUR timeline. No one is owed a special conversation with you about it, and no one is owed to be told before another person, or in a certain order. You get to decide how that happens.

I remember that one of the disappointments I encountered in my own coming out process was that certain friends were upset that they didn’t get a private conversation with me about it, and instead found out via Facebook posts about my new girlfriend.

Coming out individually to every friend can be exhausting! Sometimes, you just want to put up a post about your girlfriend and have people learn that way. And that is okay!

Want to come out at work? No problem! Want to keep that part of your life private for now? Absolutely fine! It’s your story and your timeline. No one else can tell you when is the right time to disclose that info about yourself.

I think that in some ways, women coming out later in life are a curiosity. People feel entitled to know our story and all the juicy details. But you own your story, and you get to decide who to tell and how much to tell them.

So, please remember this as you walk your own path on this journey. I empower you to think about who you want to tell and how you want to tell them (and how much). It is incredibly powerful to own your story and to tell it when you are ready to share. But don’t feel compelled to do that a minute before you are ready!

Late Life Lesbian Own Our Stories

When Moms Come Out

I had a message from a mom on the Late Life Lesbian Facebook page this week, and her story reminded me that I wanted to address the issue of coming out as a lesbian with kids.

This is another unique aspect of coming out later in life–in many cases, we are women who have been in heterosexual marriages and we have children. In today’s current climate, many women stay in their marriages for the sake of their children–either because they think it’s best for their kids or they are worried that they might lose custody of them if they come out and leave their husbands. Luckily, the latter is becoming more rare with marriage equality on the rise, but in some parts of the US and the world, this is still a real obstacle to coming out.

If you do choose to come out to your kids, here are some factors to consider:

  1. Kids’ ages: As with any topic, the way that you talk about your sexual orientation will vary based on your kids’ ages. With younger kids, it’s best to keep it short, factual, and then wait for their questions. Reassure them that you are the same mommy and that your love for them will not change. With older kids, they may understand more and have more in-depth questions. Or they may be completely silent and need time to process the information first. Respect their space and their process. Let them know that you are available for further conversation later. I have often found that talking on car trips relieves some of the pressure of talking face-to-face with teens about tough topics. Try it and see if it works for you!
  2. Kids’ reactions: Kids may experience a variety of feelings–relief, sadness, anger, confusion, indifference–and may cycle through them at different times. Again, respect their process and let them know that all those feelings are normal. Keep the lines of communication open and be available when they need to talk. You might also find a good therapist or other trusted adult for them to talk to if needed. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone other than their mom during the process.
  3. Kids’ friends’ reactions: Let your kids decide how and when they want to let their friends and other people in their lives know about your coming out. In some cases, they may not have a choice, but if it’s possible, let them lead the way. If any of their friends or friends’ families react negatively, you might want to talk to the families to see if you can solve the problem together. If that doesn’t work, you and your child may simply have to let go and hope that the friend and/or her family will come around soon.
  4. Other family members: First, don’t ask a kid to keep a secret from other family members. It puts the child in an awkward position and it’s a recipe for disaster. With younger kids, I would advise telling everyone else in your family before you tell them. That way, they won’t be in that predicament of possibly blurting this out in front of people who don’t know yet. With older kids, you can explain who knows and what their reactions have been. Again, I would never ask a kid to keep a secret, but they can understand why you don’t talk about it in front of Grandma, for example, since she reacted negatively to the news.

In my case, my kids were 18 and 13 when I came out to them. I kept it direct, factual, and honest. Both of them were amazing and supportive in their own ways, and it was one of the best experiences in my coming out journey.

How did you come out to your kids? Or are you still waiting for the right moment to do this? Can you share any tips for those who are still contemplating this part of their journey? I look forward to hearing from you on this important topic for so many of us late life lesbians!