Coming Out Better Membership Group has LAUNCHED! Join us!

We are SO EXCITED to announce that our Coming Out Better Membership group is live and open for business!

Already, we have women signing up as members, and we couldn’t be more excited to help them on their coming out journey.

If you are a woman questioning your sexuality, this group is for you. It is private & supportive.

If you are a woman who is just starting on the coming out path, this group is for you. We can help you know where to start, and will walk with you.

If you are stuck in the “messy middle,” and are overwhelmed, feeling alone, unsure of which way to go for resources, this group is for you. We will give you accountability to reach your goals, and targeted resources to help you.

If you are already out and looking for help navigating your journey, this group is for you. We will help you move further down the road on your path.

Take a look at our FAQs on the membership site to find out more about what this group will provide for you: https://comingoutbetter.podia.com/coming-out-better

We’re happy to answer your questions!

The biggest thing to know about our Founding Member Launch is that it will only last until June 28. And the deepest discount is happening right now with the coupon code “LAUNCH”:

  • 34% off the monthly subscription price
  • 51% off the annual subscription price (17% regular discount + 34% LAUNCH discount)
  • These prices will never be this low again. After we close our doors on June 28, we won’t be opening them back up until the fall, and the price will go up then.

Now is the time! Invest in yourself. Invest in your journey. Invest in Coming Out Better!

Coming Out Better

Hello, it’s been a minute since I’ve posted here! We’ve been busy growing the most supportive and kindest community for women coming out later in life in the whole world. Truly, these women inspire me on the daily!

We started this group of about 50 women in January 2016, and now it’s grown to over 1500 women worldwide 3 years later. Crazy awesome! We’ve had IRL meetups and conferences, so many brave posts and in-depth discussions.

And now we are ready to take this to the next level. Because we know that there aren’t many resources for women coming out later in life. And we keep hearing the same thing over and over again: “We need more spaces like this–safe spaces to be vulnerable, to find community, and to get resources.”

So, we are rolling out our newest membership project: Coming Out Better, a place for women coming out later in life. We are still in the beta stages, but here’s what we know that this membership will most definitely include:

  • the most supportive community you can imagine (and it will still be a private place for those who are still in the coming out process and need secrecy)
  • detailed resources to help you get to where you want to be on your coming out journey
  • focused coaching & group interaction to help you with accountability
  • if you join us in the first launch, you’ll be a FOUNDING MEMBER, and you’ll get the lowest price for membership that we’ll ever offer locked in for as long as you stay with us
  • a chance to co-create this group and make it exactly what you need to get to where you want to go on your journey
  • lots and lots of love from us, Andrea and Rachel

If you are interested in getting on our email list to get more information about when we’ll be launching the membership, here is the signup link: https://mailchi.mp/43e6cf597b50/comingoutbetter
You will be first in line when the membership opens early next month if you’re on the list!

Listen, I understand where you are. I’ve been there myself. Eight years ago, I was wondering if I was the only person ever to have come out after being married to a man (actually, two different marriages to two men). I thought I would never figure out how to do this coming out thing. I thought I would never find my soulmate, let alone marry her! (Dear Reader, I did indeed marry her!). And now, I’m living my authentically gay life as an out lesbian, and I’ve never been happier.

So, join us to find out how you can jumpstart your coming out process! We can’t wait to create this group with you!

Late Life Lesbians: Our Stories, #7

Here is the next article in our series where we share our stories gathered from the online support group for women coming out later in life. For more information on this support group and how to request to join, go here. You can find the earlier posts and topics in this series here.

COMING OUT TO YOUR STRAIGHT SPOUSE/PARTNER (Part 3)

by Laurel Peterson

Last week, we discussed how our relationships with boyfriends, husbands, or ex-husbands had changed in light of knowledge about our same sex attraction. This week, we’re digging deeper into the complications that arise for our straight spouses/partners who are trying to understand us. This week’s question was:

What do you wish your current/former straight partner would or could understand about you being attracted to women?

Continue reading “Late Life Lesbians: Our Stories, #7”

Late Life Lesbians: Our Stories, #5

Here is the next part in our series where we share our stories gathered from the online support group for women coming out later in life. For more information on this support group and how to request to join, go here. You can find the other posts and topics in this series here.

COMING OUT TO YOUR STRAIGHT SPOUSE/PARTNER

by Laurel Peterson

In last week’s post, we wrapped up our month of questions about making the realization that you aren’t “straight as an arrow” on the sexuality spectrum. Now that we’ve talked about making this discovery for ourselves, the next consideration in most cases for our members is “what about my straight spouse/partner?”

For the next few weeks, we’ll tackle how our 600 plus members have approached the difficult dilemma of how to address this issue with your significant other. This week’s question was:

How/when did you come out to your boyfriend/husband?
How did he react?

Continue reading “Late Life Lesbians: Our Stories, #5”

Your Story, Your Timetable

A woman in our Facebook support group asked a question recently about coming out to a work colleague, and wanted to gather opinions about it from the group. The heart of her question was: “do I owe it to this person in this particular situation to let them know that I’m gay?”

The consensus of our group was that, no, she did not owe it to anyone to come out to them on any specific timetable. And I have to say I agree with them 100%.

I think it is especially difficult for women coming out later in life to manage the coming out process–it can be overwhelming to come out individually to so many people when they have known you for so long as a straight person living a straight life. I see the appeal in a “one and done” Facebook post or mass email to everyone: “Hey, world, I’m gay!”

But I think that rarely happens in real life because, being women who have lived a lot of life already, we have many different relationships we have to consider–the talk we might have with our teenage daughter will be very different from the conversation we might have with a work colleague. We have more complicated lives at 45 than we did at 25!

But, regardless of how you choose to do it, the most important thing to remember is: this is YOUR timeline. No one is owed a special conversation with you about it, and no one is owed to be told before another person, or in a certain order. You get to decide how that happens.

I remember that one of the disappointments I encountered in my own coming out process was that certain friends were upset that they didn’t get a private conversation with me about it, and instead found out via Facebook posts about my new girlfriend.

Coming out individually to every friend can be exhausting! Sometimes, you just want to put up a post about your girlfriend and have people learn that way. And that is okay!

Want to come out at work? No problem! Want to keep that part of your life private for now? Absolutely fine! It’s your story and your timeline. No one else can tell you when is the right time to disclose that info about yourself.

I think that in some ways, women coming out later in life are a curiosity. People feel entitled to know our story and all the juicy details. But you own your story, and you get to decide who to tell and how much to tell them.

So, please remember this as you walk your own path on this journey. I empower you to think about who you want to tell and how you want to tell them (and how much). It is incredibly powerful to own your story and to tell it when you are ready to share. But don’t feel compelled to do that a minute before you are ready!

Late Life Lesbian Own Our Stories

My Coming Out Mistakes–Er, Lessons!

Today, I’m going to be 100% honest with you.

I have made many mistakes over the last few years on my coming out journey. I really do wish I had the “one plan fits all,” “money-back guarantee” to end all guarantees to help you have the smoothest, best coming out ever, but I don’t.

What I do have is my story, filled with stops and starts, ups and downs, trials and many errors. I think it’s worth sharing to simply let you know, “Hey, I’ve been there, too!” I believe that by sharing our stories, we gain the confidence to move forward on our coming out journeys.

So, here is my list of “coming out” mistakes that I hope might help you to feel better about your own:

  1. I didn’t trust myself: It took me years to be able to sit still enough to hear that inner voice telling me my truth. I gave too much credibility to what other people thought and what society wanted for me instead of listening to myself.
  2. I didn’t trust others: I was scared to come out to some of my close family and friends. I worried what they might think of me and how my coming out might change our relationship. But, some of the people who I worried the most about coming out to are now among my biggest supporters (Hi, Dad!).
  3. I trusted others too much: A few of my friends who I simply assumed would “get it” did not. In some cases, they initially supported me, but further down the road, their support disappeared. You really do learn who your true friends are during your coming out journey.
  4. I wanted to know the entire path up front: I have always had big issues with wanting to know everything ahead of time. Part of the reason it was difficult for me to come out was that I kept spinning all of the possible scenarios in my head over and over again. But, in the end, I had to trust that all would be revealed in time. I had to trust that if I took that first, difficult step, the staircase would appear. And it did!
  5. I wish I had done it sooner! I know that my coming out was timed perfectly for my life, but in so many ways, I still wish I had done it sooner! On the whole, it went much better than I ever imagined it would. The best part is that I finally get to live my authentic life.

As I always tell my daughter, “it’s only a mistake if you didn’t learn the lesson.” And I’m still learning lessons from my coming out journey. Leave me a comment below and let me know some of the lessons you learned on your own journey!

Once, I was just like you…

I’ve been catching up on posts on a website for married women who are attracted to other women. Reading the posts from newcomers always gives me such a sense of perspective. It seems like so long ago that I was in their shoes, but it was only about 3 years ago.

So, I decided to write to those women who are just starting out on this journey. You who are still married, but now discovering your attraction to other women. Or perhaps you have always known this about yourself, but you buried it so deeply that you hoped no one (including you!) would ever find it again.

I’m here to tell you: I was once just like you. Waking up every morning knowing that something was wrong, but not able to put my finger on exactly what it was. Being angry for no reason at the people in my life because I was so unhappy, but not ready to face why. Longing for connection to another woman, but scared to take that first step.

I remember the days leading up to that final realization, and then the fear afterwards, knowing that I had to change now–there was no going back. It was a mixture of exhilaration and dread that paralyzed me at first. What if I was making the wrong decision? How would I ever know for sure what the right decision was? How could I change my entire life over this?

Now, living my fabulous life with my girlfriend and partner of two years, it’s amazing to me that I ever could have accepted anything less. But if I could get in a time machine and go back to my 3 years ago self, here is what I would say to her:

  • Be kind to yourself: Sometimes, you just can’t have all the answers. But you can choose to have compassion for yourself. You’re doing the best you can right now.
  • Know that everyone’s timetable is unique: What seems like a slow journey to some may be just right for you. No one can tell when it’s the right time to make a decision to leave or stay in your marriage. No one can tell you that you’re moving too fast. You are the ultimate authority on what’s best for you.
  • Be thankful for each small victory: All of these small moments add up to something larger. Take comfort in each step of your journey, whether it’s coming out to a friend or finding a gay-friendly therapist.
  • It’s not a straight path (surprise!): You will have good days and not-so-good days. You may not know which way to turn on some days. Practicing listening to your inner voice and you’ll soon get much better at figuring out which turn to make.

I’m so grateful that I stopped pushing down and pushing away those feelings that I’d had my whole life, but chose not to follow. I’m finally living my authentic life, and I know that you will find your way to your true path on your own terms!

Leave me a comment and let me know what are the roadblocks that are causing you to stumble today. Maybe we can work together to come up with some answers for you!