What’s Winning Out Today–Fear or Love?

Fear. What a powerful word. It keeps you from doing what you need to do, saying what you need to say, and being who you really are. If you are someone who has lived for years projecting a false self, fear commands you to build your walls even higher, make that facade even thicker, paint the outside even brighter in order to distract from your true self within.

A wise philosophy professor once explained to me how paradigm shifts happen by using an analogy of sweeping things under a rug that don’t fit the paradigm. At first, it’s rather simple to sweep a few things under the rug.

Perhaps you experience a fleeting attraction to a girl even though you are living a heterosexual life. Hmm, that’s odd (sweep it under the rug). Next, you might notice that you are going out of your way to hang out with that girl (sweep it under the rug again). Then, you can’t stop thinking about her (wow, that pile under the rug sure is getting big!).

The moment when you turn around and realize that the pile under the rug is really huge and can no longer be ignored is the moment of true transformation (or paradigm shift). Now it may feel like the most awful thing in the world at first (“What a huge mess! What am I going to do about this?”), but it’s actually the most freeing thing in the world.

Because you can’t ignore it any longer. You have to deal with the mess under the rug!

You have two choices: either continue to ignore it out of fear and complacency, or lift up the edge of the rug to look at it.

I know that looking at it seems like the scariest thing in the world, but I promise it’s not as scary as it seems. And it’s much scarier to let it build higher and higher, smothering you with fear.

How high will you let your pile get before you get up the courage to look under the rug? I don’t have an answer for you there. We each have different levels of tolerance for messy rooms!

But I will guarantee that if there is something that you are sweeping under your rug, there will be a moment where you’ve had enough. You can’t take the mess any longer.

Your love for yourself will overcome the fear in your heart and you’ll get brave enough to start the process of transforming and shifting your paradigm.

What is winning out today in your heart–fear or love? Take the first steps to loving yourself more by peeking under that rug. You might be surprised that what you feared the most isn’t so bad after all.

“To willingly reside in our distress, no longer resisting what is, is the real key to transformation. As painful as it may be to face our deepest fears, we do reach the point where it’s more painful not to face them.”
—Ezra Bayda

 Leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts about transformations and fear. How has love helped you to overcome fear in your life?


2 thoughts on “What’s Winning Out Today–Fear or Love?

  1. Ariel

    In working through the transformation process, I am struck by how uncomfortable authenticity can be to those that I once considered my closest friends. They want to celebrate my ability to be honest as I pull the rug away, but something they see in the freedom gained in really cleaning away the mess is hard for them. Whether it is the pain of confronting the abuse that was happening right under their noses or just the uncertainty of a friend that isn’t quite as quick to please, some are asking when I’m going to stop being “like this” and if I will ever be the old me that they miss.

    Ultimately I need to be strong enough to choose loving me over the fear of losing those friends.

    1. Ariel: thanks for your comment! And it sounds like you have the right idea–choosing to love yourself first. When we choose authenticity, it forces others to look at the lack of authenticity in their own lives. And I think that’s what makes others uncomfortable. Keep on with your journey and I know your true and lasting friends will stick by you. Good luck!

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