Questions answered: How can you tell if someone is gay?

Recently, I was asked in the comments to another post, “How can you tell if someone is gay? How can I find gay girls?” I have thought about it since then, and the only absolutely true answer is, “You only know 100% for sure if you ask them.”

Now, that requires some courage, I know! Not everyone is ready for that, and it wouldn’t always be appropriate in every context. You can also try and rely on your gaydar, which has been proven to work about 60% of the time.  Fairly decent odds there!

But here are 7 ways to increase your odds if you are trying to find Maximum Lesbian Density:

  1. Meetups in your area: Most cities and towns have specific meetups for gays and lesbians. Some are for women only, some are centered around shared interests (there’s one for hiking in my town and another one for gay parents), but all are pre-defined in terms of who you will meet there.
  2. Gay community centers: Some cities have community centers that cater specifically to the LGBT crowd. Our local center offers yoga classes, movie nights, community forums, and other fun activities. Look online to see what your city offers.
  3. Pride parades and events: Pride takes place in June in my city, but it happens at different times in different places. Do a search to find out when it takes place in your town, and then make plans to attend! There is usually lots of music, food, and fun, as well as informational booths. You’re bound to make a new gay friend at Pride!
  4. Facebook groups: For those who prefer virtual spaces, Facebook provides many places to hang out. You can look for lesbian-specific groups where every girl will be neatly identified for you!
  5. Gay bars: The first place most people think of is still a good place to meet gay girls. And you get to support a local business while you’re there–a win-win!
  6. Welcoming churches or other faith groups: Many progressive churches and other faith groups attract LGBT folks, and some even have groups that work specifically on LGBT issues.
  7. Other events: Concerts, lectures, and other events that usually draw an LGBT crowd will up your chances of finding your people. Find these events via your local newspaper or online.

Let me know if you can think of others places to meet gay girls, and leave me a comment about it! I’d love to hear about your experiences with finding community on your coming out journey.

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One thought on “Questions answered: How can you tell if someone is gay?

  1. Mandy


    Im a thirty three year old “straight” woman and have fallen inlove with a same sex person at work. Its been my first emotional encounter and this has left me so confused and scared…

    Im married with one child.. and must confess that altho ive been married for eight years ive not really found sexual intimacy to be a pleasant experience with my husband…

    However i am so drawn to this coworker and have pursued her to have drinks with me but she kept rejecting my invitations..
    I eventually gave up on my pursuit and then she started giving me signs that shes interested… apparently a first for her as well..

    Im not sure of what the future holds but i am wanting to be with her.. where previously i wouldnt allow my husband to go down on me or touch me.. i want her to do all those things to me… (i find this to be weird) i always thought im not a sexual being… but i feel so sexual now – experiencing wanting to be sensual and wanting to be touched..

    Im not proud of what im wanting as im still married.. but how do i know if im a lesbian?..

    I dont want sexual intimacy with my husband at this stage and asked him for a divorce…
    He on the other hand loathes this woman.. as ive told him how i felt and feel as tho she came in the way of our future…

    Im so confused about who i am..

    My family wont accept it. My mother is a born again christian and so am I… i was brought up believing that same sex relationships are not from God and that its wrong. So i won be accepted by my family and friends as they r all mostly born again christians as well..

    Now i have fallen inlove with a woman. I wanna be with her.. kiss her and be much more than just friends..

    Pls help me understand why im goimg thru something like this so late in my life? Surely i wouldhv known im lesbian long ago?

    I have liked a random lady years ago but thought nothing of it.. never had any emotional connection to ladies after that experience…

    I need help to figure out whats happening to me…

    Pls help..

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